I’ve battled with what to write for today’s observance. I still don’t know what to say. I’m 1 in 4 who lost a child during pregnancy. While I am blessed and extremely thankful to be carrying my Rainbow Baby right now, I still long for my first baby. My Noodle.
Losing my first has so strongly influenced my perception of this rainbow pregnancy: for the good and for the bad. I fight against worrying on a daily basis. I also appreciate every pregnancy symptom as a reminder of this little blessing and that all is well. (I felt nauseous today! My belly is still growing. I feel slight kicks!) I don’t take any of this journey for granted.
Being a Rainbow Mama makes answering the question “is this your first child?” difficult and awkward. Do I say, “second pregnancy, first child,” “this is my rainbow baby,” “no, we lost our first”? And how do I prepare for the person’s response? Will they acknowledge my angel baby? Will they give a bittersweet response with kind intentions but cruel in actuality (Something must have been wrong with it. It’s for the best. God didn’t want you to suffer. This is your real baby. You had a lot going on with the last pregnancy; you’re not as stressed this time around. At least you lost it early. Try not to worry yourself sick with this pregnancy.)
Pregnancy after loss is very challenging. It’s downright terrifying. Please recognize that rainbow mamas (and daddies) need your support and genuine encouragement. One way to do that is to acknowledge their angel babies, especially on days like this.